Financial Reflections

I thought I knew money when I was younger, but as life went on, I had a few lessons to learn.  I’ll try to spare you all the maudlin details.  What I’d really like to talk about is the events that led me to change my behavior with money.

I was actually doing relatively well with money until my income went up significantly.  I didn’t budget per se when I stared out, but I had a pretty good idea what was coming in and where it was going.  Life was simple and I could do my budget in my head.

When I made a more money, I guess I thought I had enough cash to cover my expenses without thinking about it.  I started living a little larger.  Hey, I had money, right?  I paid for things with cash, except for times when I used a card, because it was so convenient.  I was just sure it would get paid off.

Then September 11th happened.

I was laid off from my big money gig.  I took a 40% pay cut to take another job.  I was grateful just to have a job.  But I kept living large.  And I didn’t go back to budgeting.  The cards were pulled out more and more often.

As time went on, I still didn’t budget and started playing the “balance transfer” game.  And the “debt consolidation” game.  Then the “miss a payment and make two payments to catch up” game.

That’s the sob story, minus the gory details.  It’s important that I tell that much to get a picture of where I was.

As time went on, I managed to get pay raises, but the bills were now so high that I couldn’t do anything without a written budget.  But I didn’t really know how to budget.  So I struggled and slipped deeper.

Then Hurricane Katrina happened.  That changed everything.

No, I didn’t lose my job or my house.  While others suffered, I got a big raise.  I still didn’t make dot-com money, but I was getting close.  What really hit me was my inability to help those who were devastated by the storm.

The calls for help came right after the storm.  I went to get cash to donate and didn’t have any.  I was literally afraid I’d bounce a check.  I put a small donation on a credit card.  In years past, I would have had something to give and not have to worry about bouncing checks.

Then I had another reality check.  At my church they were organizing carpools to go to the areas affected by the hurricane.  But that meant taking a day off work, and I couldn’t afford to.  Let me say that again.  I was in such bad shape that I was making nearly dot-com money and couldn’t take ONE day off work to help.  I would have missed a payment if I did.  Instead of helping victims I was one.

Of all the things I struggled through after 9-11, what really woke me up was the fact that I couldn’t give any money to help anyone.  I resolved to change that right then and there.  I don’t want to get accused of the same passivity the government is getting accused of the next time there’s a need to help.

I’m moving forward now, but it has taken months and will take months more.  At least I can say that I can now donate some of my time an money to help the next time help is needed.